ahhhhhh. today is my 34th birthday. i’m not super into celebrating birthdays past the age of 21, but in honor of the day, i figured a list of 34 random things about me would be fitting. enjoy.

1. my next door neighbor called the police on me when i was five for sticking my tongue out at her, which i didn’t do. also, i think she was drunk.

2. when my mom was pregnant with me, she prayed that i would have a cute, round butt.

3. i make lists for everything

4. when i die, i want my funeral to be a big celebration with dancing and good food, like a wedding reception. also, everyone will be wearing their pj’s because that’s what i’m going to be wearing.

5. i have a headless titanium screw holding my 5th metatarsal together on my left foot.

6. my biggest regret is not going to ohio ballet the summer after my senior year to dance with all expenses paid.

7. i love talk radio and fox news.

8. when my husband told me that the sun sets faster in africa, I believed him, but only because every time you see the sun setting in africa on tv, it’s happening really fast. duh.

9. i used to spray my brother in the face with spray starch and windex, when we were little.

10. i walked through a mall with a toilet seat cover on my head.

11. i love to read.

12. i am horrible at sports.

13. i ran { wogged } the color run.

14. i opened my own business when i was in college.

15. i have a crush on bill o’reilly.

16. i love thunderstorms.

17. i hate putting on make up.

18. when i was four, i was playing at the dentist’s office where my mom and grandma worked, and while no one was looking, i got a paper towel out of the bathroom and the big scissors off the desk, crawled under the desk, laid my paper towel out on the floor and cut my hair.

19. i put microwave popcorn in the toaster oven when i was in 2nd grade. luckily, my brother and i knew how to use the fire extinguisher because the whole toaster caught on fire.

20. i make my grocery list in the order of the store. once, a lady watched me do all my shopping { creepy } and commented on my “methodical system”. the baggers do love me, though.

21. apparently, i didn’t learn my lesson after the popcorn incident, and i put an arby’s wrapper in the microwave. it made some pretty awesome fireworks.

22. i trip over my own feet all the time. see #5.

23. i listen to christmas music all year long.

24. i’m super lazy.

25. funnel cakes make me throw up.

26. i want to go to serendipity.

27. life would be so challenging without my keurig.

28. i started following a paleo lifestyle in november, which is really hard for a recovering sugaraholic.

29. i may have an unhealthy obsession with adam levine.

30. i’m extremely sarcastic.

31. townsend, tennessee is one of my favorite places.

32. i’m a hopeless romantic.

33. i spend way too much time on pinterest.

34. i’m sleepy and heading off to bed.